Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Cat Burgled!

Wow, I hadn't expected a last gift for Rogers' 30th birthday. Neither did he, but he got a very unexpected surprise.

Yesterday I made him a orange chocolate chip cake with chocolate glaze on top (my attempt at making a version of a large jaffa cake). We left it on the table, under a net dome cover, when we went to bed last night. Mind you looking back I should have put it in a cake box, but that didn't happen.

When I came downstairs this morning (I had a sleep in) I was confronted with Roger standing at the cake. He pointed to it and asked me "Did you do this to the cake?"

Looking down at the cake and seeing the big rather scooped out section, briefly in my no coffee still sleepy stage, felt a bit put out. I don't think I'm the sorta person that ascends on the cake in the middle of the night and just scoops out part of the top of the cake. Nor when he said, "Well I wondered if you just wanted some of the chocolate off the top of the cake. I really didn't think it was you, but wanted to make sure."

First thing I asked after denying all said charges was "Did Mia get into the cake?" Yes, the first thought that crosses my mind is our darling little mountain goat has gotten past Daddy, climbed up on the table, and helped herself to some cake. Knowing how much she liked said cake yesterday it seemed reasonable. Alas, it was not to be, said mountain goat hadn't done the deed.

So who did? They had moved the net covering to get to the cake so they had to be at least a little bigger than a bunch of hungry bugs coming through the window.

We moved on to thinking about the dinning room window being open to get air in last night. Had we been burgled? The computer was still in dinning room, a wallet still on table and the digital camera still sitting there. Nothing missing? So not a person coming in to take things and having a little cake on the way out.

Then on closer inspection of the scooped out bit it looks like has little teeth marks on the chocolate. Do we have a mouse in the house? Nope, no traces of a mouse anywhere.

After a bit, I get a sudden image of these cats all over the neighborhood. In particular sprang to mind the two cats who come sit on the porch in front of the dinning room window.

On inspection of the said window we do find fur attached to it. It is official, we have been cat burgled. And they wanted nothing but a little birthday cake! That would explain the teeth marks and how some of the frosting looked melted. Most likely it was from said offender having a small taste of frosting before eating a nice bit of cake.

I know they say I cook really well but this is ridiculous to have midnight visitors stealing the cake as well. For heavens sake, come to the door and have a little meow and we will see what we can do! ;);)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Wow, can I make an Impression!

Sunday the Fish Dinner went well for the most part, the day was going really well.

Minx (my daughter) showed her glowing vibrant self and had most of the 200 people in love with her before the dinner was over. My husband had loads of his family there. Some got drunk came to find me poured their hearts out and cried to me. Which even that I handled, even managed to handle the hubby's 80 year old Nan breaking down and crying to me. (Not sure but I might have been seen as fix it woman of the bunch that day.) Most all us women in the family tried to avoid the drunk uncle who tried to grope all of us.

Then at the end all of the lodge people had mostly left and went on their way home. Leaving only the 25-30 (I lost count of some of them) family members that came to the dinner.

One had a dog who was tied to one of the tents. Minx was playing with the dog(which is how this started she thought the dog was hysterical barking and wanted to play with it). Dog was looking at the mother-in-laws cat who was (and i tell ya that cat was doing this intentionally, not a hair was raised on her little black body) sitting in front of dog playing lady of the manor and I'm not scared of you to the dog.

Said dog went after cat, cat took off, Minx went after fun dog, I went after Minx trying to make sure that the dog getting upset at the cat didnt turn on the baby.

I'm almost back against a row of shrubs and brambles trying to get ahold of Minx when the dog runs in between us. He was on one of those leads that lets out on a long cable. The cat ran down some steps, dog went after it, the cable started running across the front of my legs, my legs started burning and I tried to get cable off my legs. The dog lunged after cat, toppled me over backwards into shrubs and brambles (for those who don't know what brambles are...BIG AS WEEDS WITH THORNS). My husband was trying to get Minx who still wanted the fun dog, I'm in my nice summer skirt if the shrubs. Family is running from everywhere to try and get me out and make sure I'm not broke.

To start with I just thought had little rope burn on my legs, so when asked if I was ok I said "No, I have a thorn in my ass." Didn't quite know I had thorns in my hands and arm and of course the offensive thorn stuck in the bum. Then we all had a look and saw that the dog's cable didn't just burn on the legs a bit, it did rope burn then slightly sliced front of my legs.

Now funny thing is I had a doctors appointment Monday and I had a medical for a insurance company yesterday with my doctor. My doctor who took a close look at the wounds to make sure they were ok just grinned gave a little laugh and said, "Polly you don't do things by halves do you!"

If you see the attached pictures, well to say the least it looks like I was tied up for a bit to long. ;) Least thats what the husbands brother says I should tell everyone, that the husband battered me and tied me up. ;)

The even funnier thing was there was a at least 8 or so of the family that I was just meeting for the first time.

Sunday night bruised, battered, swelling and bandages finally done my husband and I started laughing. What a hell of a way to make an impression on new family you haven't met. I'm sure they won't forget my name or me falling into the brambles.

I shall be remembered, if not for the graceful way I behaved my self during the whole party or for the darling cute daughter, for the way I can get a thorn stuck in my ass. ! ;)

Welcome to my crazy life, I think I might just go ahead and have that tattooed on me bum right above where we got the thorn out. Pain in the ass that I am that could be appropriate. ;)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The pen incident.

Now as many of you know (and the ones who don't will learn quick), I have the ability to do things that might have the potential to cause embarrassment. Mind you, I tend to get over the blushing right quick and start laughing much sooner than I used to. Hell, after ahwile you do enough stuff and your either going to laugh it off or hide and I'm not the hiding sort.

Today's incident went along these lines.

Our insurance/mortgage guy came over for a visit. To say the least he's a bit long winded. he's going on about this and that and we are all done with the insurance stuff after maybe 30 minutes? Yeah, about 30 minutes. Does he leave. NO!

He sits there in the chair yammering on about this and that and asking how we all are. Which normally I don't mind but all I really wanted him to do was leave. After 20 minutes of chit chat I tend to get a bit antsy.

What do I do? I start fiddling with the pen I had been writing with. And since I talk with my hands the pen is flitting here and there and I'm twirling it around. Not paying any actual attention to the pen.

The guy finally shuts up and leaves the house.

Hubby turns to me and says "Did you notice what was on the pen you were playing with?" He grinned and giggled.

I said, "No, why?"

He said, "It says on it ;)"

Course I didn't know, but how hysterical is that. If the guy did see what it said ah well. Free advertisement for the company and on my part something to make me and the hubby laugh the rest of the day.

Monday, July 03, 2006

I need A/C and visitors to call before they show!

Yeah I know, to bitches in one. In my defense, they are slightly tied together in a round about sorta fashion.

We'll start with A/C. Do I miss it? Does a bear shit in the woods? Of course I miss it! Now for all y'all out there saying "You live in England it's not that hot", BITE ME!

I'm boiling, near the coast, house gets hot you can't get it cooled down till late at night. Bloody owners before us put concrete and stones everywhere to soak up the heat. We have a conservatory and a utility room that turns into a sauna for most of the day even with the doors and windows open. So you go out there at certain times in the summer at your own risk.

So what do I do, well most everyone in the house does, strip down to next to nothing. Mia runs about in diaper, roger in shorts and me in bikini top and shorts or sarong.

So what do you think happens, people decide to visit. Now normally I wouldn't care that much but I'd at least like to have shirt on when family comes over. Strangers couldn't care a whit what they see, but family would at least like to get a shirt on real quick.

Could I get to my shirt? No, my darling daughter had hid it again. So it was mad dash around the living room trying to see where she stuffed it and checking the window to check how far they had got towards the door. Rip the shirt out from behind a cushion, throw it on as they come through the door and probably looked like I had just got done shagging the hubby in the kitchen.

Hence, visitors should always call before they come over, or take your chances at to what you find! ;)

Anymore though and I'm not going to care. It's to hot to worry what anyone else thinks.

Peanut Warning!

Of all things, hubby buys bag of peanuts, on back is an allergy warning. Now normally they warn of bag may contain nuts, all the sorta random shit that should be rather evident from the name on the front. PEANUTS!

But this one, this one takes the cake. It says:

Allergy advice:
May contain traces of milk and celery.

Celery and Milk? WTF! Now I've heard some strange things, but that one was pushing the bag a bit. I'm trying to think what kind of peanut processing plant might have something going on with celery and milk. Then I think well maybe just maybe it had to do with the farm they were grown on. Just imagine, they had celery growing in field nearby and some milk cows that wandered around lactating on the plants? Nah, thats about a far reach as you can get. Has to be back to the processing plant.

I really want to call them and ask just why there might be celery and milk mixing with the peanuts? Afternoon snack for the workers? Making some strange stuffing mix? New protein drink? (That thought might actually make you gag!)

And then I think, I'm obssessed with why there is celery, milk and peanuts together, time for a new bitch topic me thinks. ;)